03.29.10
Posted in Uncategorized at 8:08 pm by livies
I’m back. Hopefully with regular posts. I’ll attempt to sum up the last few months in one or two paragraphs and we can go from there.
Internship : - I started work in November in the clinic. I was there for 13 weeks. Was a good experience overall. I learnt a few lessons when it comes to people skills. Mainly for dealing with people I work with. I never thought I would be one for nodding and smiling just to keep the peace. It’s taken me 4 years to accept this. But, when you’re a student, that’s the only way to do things.. without making yourself seem like you have an ‘attitude’. At least in this learning environment.
My next personal advancement is stupidly basic. I’ve been making an effort to smile a lot more. Unfortunately, my general demeanor seems to be one of melancholy. I can’t really help it unless i’m actively thinking about it. But I got sick of hearing ‘Smile.. It can’t be that bad’ or other similar comments. So, now i’ve taken to smiling when I can focus my attention on it. Who knows, it might become second nature to me soon.
Working nights was great. I felt completely lost and useless at stages. And just stupid at other points. But one of the midwives was particularly good with guiding me and giving me advice. You’re really forced to learn quickly when left on your own and faced with an issue that might need to be dealt with then and there. Right now, i’m on a postnatal ward. I currently have 2 weeks annual leave so i’ll discuss it once i’ve spent a bit more time there.
Driving Test :- Back in January I applied for my driving test. Thinking that it would take 4 months or so to receive a date, I didn’t think anymore of it. I had a date in 2 weeks. Almost cancelled it due to work. My ward manager was nice enough to re-arrange my work duty so I could go. I didn’t hold out much hope for myself. The tester was telling me to relax before we had even left the building. The formality of the testers while necessary, is very off-putting. I heard the tester announce to the guy before me ‘I’m sorry, on this occasion you have failed to pass your driving test’. I drank about half a bottle of rescue remedy in the next few minutes.
When we eventually got to the driving part I over analysed everything I did, down to every indication and mirror view. When I got back to the building I had already consoled myself and thought ‘ok, I’ll just re-apply tonight. No big deal’. He pulled out a little book and asked me to sign it. I just stared at him when I saw ‘Certificate of competency’. Smiling, he announced ‘Yes, you passed’. If you paid me 1 million euro I couldn’t tell you anything he said after he asked me to sign that. I haven’t been this happy about anything in a long time. The independence is truly wonderful.
Letters:- Since January I have gotten back into the habit of writing letters. Out of necessity more than anything else. My boyfriend was starting his Basic Army Combat Training in Ft. Knox in Kentucky. The only form of communication they were permitted was letters. And if they earned it, the occasional one minute phone call. I wrote a letter almost every day of the week. It’s surprisingly difficult to write every day.
Money:- We’re finally being paid for our work in the hospital. No more part time jobs. My days off are actually days off now. It’s made a huge different to my work ethic and general happiness. Between this, my car, and my full driving license i’m feeling wonderfully independent.
That more or less sums up the important parts of the last few months. More to come later.
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09.18.09
Posted in Uncategorized at 1:51 pm by livies
So, it’s begun. Unlike most 4th years i’ll be working from January on and have no exams in may. So, I get to do all the work before Christmas. I currently have my thesis and 3 modules to consider. One of which is going to be graded completely on group work. This saddens me greatly. I’ve rarely seen group work turn out well. Especially when an essay is involved. I’m considering just taking over a bit and doing the essay part myself, if they have any objections to the actual work, we can then fix it as a group. But sitting down and writing one together can’t possibly turn out well. At least in my mind it won’t. The lecturer seemed pretty adamant that group work usually works out better and that’s the way it had to be done. I almost started crying. I want to do well in this module.
One module is completely my own work, the other is 20% group work, which I can live with. I believe my thesis submission date is March or there abouts. Considering my placement starts in November, i’m hoping to get a large chunk of this done before my actual internship starts in January. Most people can get by being sleep deprived and going to lectures. But being sleep deprived and then going in to work on the labour ward for the day won’t work in any way. As of today i’ve started drinking coffee again. Considering getting myself a coffee machine for my room. As i’ve probably said a few times, it’s one of my motivators.
I’m currently sitting here organising my assignments into different bundles. I don’t know what i’d prefer, these assignments or actual exams. Think i’m going to follow Plato’s advice. “Apply yourself both now and in the next life. Without effort, you cannot be prosperous.”
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06.22.09
Posted in Uncategorized at 8:08 pm by livies
Everything is finally coming together. I have a job out in the airport for the rest of the summer. I also got some bar experience that I can slap onto my CV for the winter. Getting back into the swing of exercise. At this rate might even be able to fit in a small holiday at the end of the summer before I go back to college. More importantly, the boredom of sitting around is about to disappear. I might complain about the work after a week or two, but I certainly appreciate it. Here’s to a good summer! 
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06.10.09
Posted in Uncategorized at 6:54 pm by livies
I seem to be determined enough so far. Got a start on the new list. Got loads of work done. Made my way through a cafetière of coffee meant for 5 people and listened to Rodrigo & Gabriela for the evening. Another room completely organised. Unfortunately, it’s resulted in some other rooms being pretty much destroyed, but i’ll get to all of them one by one. Things have to get worse before they get better, right? Have a feeling i’ll crash soon enough from all this caffeine.
Swimming with T again in the morning. Then heading to the Ballyhouras in the evening for some mountain biking. Haven’t been out there since the winter. Can’t wait to get back
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06.09.09
Posted in Uncategorized at 3:26 pm by livies
It’s an awful feeling. It honestly is. I have no idea how I let myself sit around when I know well I have plenty to do. It’s almost worse than sleeping all day. I have wasted whole weeks and will waste more unless I actually force myself to cop on. Here’s an idea of one of the worst of these days. Last Wednesday I got up at 9 am, fed all the animals and decided to sit down for a minute and watch some TV. Before I knew it it was 5 pm and I hadn’t moved at all. I was becoming a day time television freak. Again.
Dr. Phil, Oprah, Ellen, This Morning, Discovery Home and Leisure, The Bigest Loser, Friends, Gilmore Girls. All regularly scheduled programmes. And I’ve spared you quite a long list, that’s only the tip of it. On daily, same time every day. One day it added up to 15 hours in total…. uh …. I think the only possible reason I managed to not realise how long this tv marathon went on is that my brain was truly on a holiday. While I hate writing/reading this myself, it’s good in that it reminds me of how awfully boring and useless a life of TV is.
So, what possibly posseses me to sit around and waste this time? I think the feeling of indolence sometimes seems greater than that of wanting to be productive. Or at least it does some days. Watching too much television is associated with higher rates of depression apparently. I absolutely agree. If you do what i’ve described for more than a day or two you’ll find yourself lose interest in everything but what you’re watching. I found this out a few summers ago. I ended up sitting around in pyjamas, eating more, sleeping more and avoiding leaving the house or moving. I’m definitely not in that frame of mind at the moment. I’ve wasted 3 days of last week. They’ll be the last.
I’m sitting here now, after spending an hour cleaning a room from top to bottom. I went for a swim with T this morning and we went and got breakfast afterwards, i’m thanking the coffee I had for this little boost of energy. Coffee is definitely my motivator. When it comes to study, work and plenty other stuff it’s a huge help. Helps me focus. Not the healthiest of motivators I must say, especially when it’s drank in large quantities. But I love getting the work done, and done properly. So starting something and failing to finish it really irritates me. I’m blaming my lack of lists this week for lack of work. There is no excuses for it, it’s just a bad mind frame to be in. I occasionally need to remind myself that i’ll be much happier short and long term if I avoid getting absorbed by the void of laziness.
Later i’m heading out to Kilaloe with a friend to cycle some fireroads in the forest. If I used the time I spent watching TV on my fitness i’d probably be ready for a marathon at this stage. Why on earth am I not doing that? I think before this cycle I’ll sign up for a gym membership. And afterwards i’m making up my new list and sticking it up on my wall. I’ve seen a few pictures of peoples ‘Goal Posters’. You make up a big page of pictures and reminders of what you want to achieve. Each time you see it it reminds you of what you’re working towards. Might be good for me. A daily reminder of why I should use my time wisely. Mom has already gotten me a big poster to put the stuff onto. It’s the little things that sometimes have a big effect.
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05.31.09
Posted in Uncategorized at 10:17 am by livies
I’ve been on holidays for two weeks now. Short of getting the Skynet budget done I have nothing left to do for the summer. So, this week I sat down and did out lists. Lists of jobs I can do around the house that will keep me completely occupied for the next week or so. I like lists for some reason, I seem to have a much better chance of doing something if it’s actually written down in front of me. I got a day or two of work out of them. Mainly because the other work I wanted to do requires one other person. It’s bothering me that noone else has the time to get it done but I might get there eventually. I’ve applied for a few jobs but in this climate i’m not going place too much hope into getting one. I can make some more lists if worst comes to worst.
In the mean time, it’s really starting to feel like summer. The last three nights in a row i’ve woken up in the middle of the night because i’ve been far too warm. Time to ditch the winter duvet and it’s cosy flannel cover I guess. It’s 10am and already about 20 degrees out. Which, after the last few months, i’m definitely not used to. I’ve heard that this is only supposed to last about 4 days. So, better enjoy it while it lasts. Ireland is quite a lovely country when we get nice weather.
In other news, my brother has moved out for the summer. Not sure if it will end up a permanent thing, but it will definitely be good for him.
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05.15.09
Posted in Uncategorized at 8:18 pm by livies
A big mass of complicated scenarios. Most people think being positive should just be the done thing and not to dwell on negative things. A lot of the time it’s something that seems wrong or impossible for me. I’ve been thinking about the last year over the last few weeks and how i’ve dealt with things. Personally, I don’t know if I have “dealt” with everything. This post is going to be all over the place, but it’s just some stuff i’ve been thinking about.
I recently took park in a workshop on how to deal with grief as part of my placement in the hospital. A few of the things brought up struck me. Mainly the differences between peoples coping skills. While one person might shut down completely over a matter, another might be able to think about it and move past it. It doesn’t make them any less of a person, it’s just how they happen to deal with things. I can pick out examples of different coping skills that i’ve witnessed throughout my family. While I wish I could change some of them, for their own sake, I can’t. In stressful situations people rarely stand back and say ‘Ok, what is the best way to deal with this?’. Panic sometimes takes over and that’s the end of it. My roll is usually to remain somewhat calm throughout tough situations. Every bad situation i’ve come across has usually depended on someone calm taking over.
Frankly, my life has been extremely difficult to cope with for over 2 years. I won’t bring up any particular aspects as I don’t think they have a place here. But my coping skills seem to be dramatically declining. If I see someone in my family being upset or if they’re not coping well with something, I let emotions take over. I remember two incidences of me being hysterical over the past few months. Dealing with people who seem to have 3 or 4 different personalities is incredibly trying.
I was recently acused of bottling emotions too much and moving past things too quickly. Something I haven’t been able to stop thinking about. I think how a person deals with something is their own business, unless it’s seriously affecting them. Some people seem fixated on situations, they just want to focus on how badly a situation went, or how much worse it could have gone. More feel the only proper way of dealing is through phases of emotions. I personally don’t think there is a right or wrong way if it eventually leads to acceptance.
While dealing with situations over the last year, i’ve usually spent a lot of time in my room thinking (in the situations that i’ve managed to remain calm). Once i’d thought about it, I usually ended up speaking to a friend about it in great detail until I literally had nothing left to say about the situation. I never liked going to sleep with overcrowded thoughts. I usually then tried to forget it and keep it in the past, or at least take it out of main focus.
I’m feeling badly about how I dealt with friends on these matters aswell. On days where drama would occur, i’d get texts asking if i’d go out somewhere. A lot of the time I ended up saying no because I was in this process of thinking or talking. I couldn’t leave the house and force myself to think about something else. I wanted to deal with things in my head and spend the time alone so when I did leave I wouldn’t be distracted. I hated feeling like I was overburdening my friends with the latest details on things or being constantly negative. It was very hard to talk about anything else. Worry is very much an overpowering emotion. This is mainly the reason I stayed away from them. I had 3 or 4 good friends who didn’t mind me talking about matters. Something i’ve never been more grateful for.
There were occasions where I just wanted to forget about everything. Lock myself away and focus on something else. A bad coping mechanism, but it was something I did on occasion. I took a season of a tv series I enjoyed and watched it, a lot of the time straight through. Thought about nothing else and just enjoyed having time where nothing was an issue. Escapism at its best. I blamed laziness a lot of the time, something I knew it wasn’t. But it made life easier and meant I got a break in between stress and worrying.
This post was mainly just random thoughts. While I envy people who think positive thinking is just a decision you have to make and see the good in everything. In a lot of situations it truly is impossible. I try to be as positive as I can at home and work. I keep the negative out of my personal life as much as I can mentally cope with and go from there. I’m learning a lot on coping and life in general. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger? Well, for me it certainly has. But it’s also had its negative effects.As of today i’m officially finished 3rd year of college. Season 6 of Gilmore Girls arrived in the post for me today. I’m going to sit here and watch it with a cup of tea until I fall asleep. Here’s to a good summer and a relaxing one at that.
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04.11.09
Posted in Uncategorized at 12:08 pm by livies
After my previous experiences in Waterford I was a bit apprehensive about going there for the 3rd time. This year started off slightly badly. Myself and my classmate were unable to get our apartment key on the Sunday night. That meant a 5 am start monday morning to drive to Waterford on time for work. Working with the community midwives is both amazing and annoying. The times I have work to do, it’s great. But sometimes you might only have 2 check-ups to do in a day and a small bit of paper work. I constantly found myself at home at 1 or 2 pm. I’m not complaining, the rest is great, but there’ll also be days that are unbelievably busy so it certainly makes up for the quiet days. My classmate was getting very annoyed at the fact that we had nothing to do. We can usually find something to occupy us on the wards when things get boring. I understand where she’s coming from, but it wasn’t bothering me.
Waterford is going pretty well so far, much to my surprise. The apartment is lovely, a 2 minute walk from the hospital. I’ve gotten 3 deliveries in this week which is bringing me closer to my 20. A positive attitude can change everything. This experience has already been completely different. Granted I had a friend down there for this week because of the Easter holidays. But i’m sure the next two weeks will be fine. We have NTL to keep us occupied when things get boring. Unfortunately, this has led to me watching numerous episodes of ‘The Hills’. Which is pretty terrible. But if that’s the worst of it then I definitely won’t complain
Having had such a quiet start to the week. I thought it would be fine having friends down one of the nights that I wasn’t on call. My friend arrived at about 6 o’clock in Waterford. I was *still* in the hospital. I spent the day with a first time mother in labour, she didn’t deliver until almost 8 o’clock. I think I got home at about 9. I felt really really bad about leaving my friend there doing nothing, but it just goes to show how unpredictable the community work is. I’ve learnt my lesson about having friends down now.
I had to resign from my part-time job. I actually felt great about it. It was soul destroying working there. Granted i’ll need to find a new one in the next couple of weeks. But for now I can smile at the fact that I don’t work there anymore. I’m looking forward to getting back to mountain biking, which I had to give up when I started working there. Even hoping to get in a summer trip to France mountain biking. Les gets here we come, hopefully
I’m hoping to steal one of my friends 3G wireless broadband things for the next 2 weeks. I’ll have one more distraction to add to the list when i’m home at 1pm. Think i’ll stick to this positive attitude thing. It’s far more fun.
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03.15.09
Posted in Uncategorized at 8:00 pm by livies
Last Sunday I was slightly depressed because of my week ahead. I went to bed at about 8pm that night because I was tired just thinking about it. This week, i’m the opposite. I have St. Patricks day off, and I won’t owe them the hours back. I’m also only working 3 days on the ward, and it’s my last 3 days. I think last week (and many placements before that) gave me a bit of an insight into what it’s like working in a job you hate. It affects me way too much. I lose interest in everything outside sleeping/internet and eating. I go to bed ridiculously early because i’m exhausted all the time and I become even more disorganised. It truly is depressing.
When people ask me what i’m going to do when I finish midwifery I always tell them i’m hoping to do medicine. 99% of the time it’s followed by ‘why would you want to do that??’, ‘Medicine is really difficult’ or some other highly negative comment. I’ve learnt to just smile and not give in to their negativity. Which i’m only really learning to do now. I have a few friends who are encouraging me to actually do what I want. I think this placement is allowing me to see the benefits of actually liking your job. I don’t see why i’m mad to do a few more years in college and actually end up in a career I like. I’m even willing to repeat my leaving cert if that’s what it takes.
I’m starting this week off on a positive note. It’s very hard to do that when you feel like you’re wasting college years finishing a degree you won’t use to a large extent. Yes, it’s relavent in the long run. But the more beds I make and jugs of water I get the more irritated I get at it. But with a year to go i’m not going to quit now. Being a midwife might well be what I need to get me through 5 more years of college. The thought of thursday is what’s going to get me through the week. The end of the first half of placement, and the start of two weeks holidays. Can’t wait
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03.10.09
Posted in Uncategorized at 10:55 pm by livies
It’s been 6 weeks of midwifery placement so far. And as of 5 minutes ago i’ve passed both my competencies for this year. I’ve also gotten my deliveries up to 15. Hopefully i’ll be on 20 before the year is out Miss labour ward already. But i ‘ll be returning to work with the Domino Midwives in Waterfordl in April so i’ll get to do similar work there, all going well.
Currently in the general hospital. Hating it with a passion. I’ve made more beds than I want to remember. And actually got bored enough to help a care assistant put up a new curtain today. Too many people have told me that general nursing ‘is’ medicine… I’m sorry, but i’ve never seen a doctor doing anything remotely similar to what they do. Except maybe blood pressures and injections It’s just a completely invalid point. Its really reminding me how much responsibility I have in the maternity. Today, they had to get a Registrar up to listen to a fetal heart (something I do quite a lot each day in the maternity). A registrar is one of the more senior doctors, closest on the way to the title ‘Consultant’.
Overall, this experience is confirming I definitely picked the right course to get the most hands on experience. Granted i’m not experiencing the most interesting wards in the general hospital, but I think I’m being reasonable when I make this decision based on two months there.
To get back to my title. Each evening when I get home, I collapse on my bed and watch 2 or 3 episodes of Gilmore Girls. I seem to have built up a bit of a routine. I’ve just finished season 4, which I got a week ago for my birthday. Waiting for 5 to arrive now I’m not a total recluse yet though. I let the odd distraction drag me away from it some evenings. Next week is the annual Clubs and Societies Ball. I’ll be going with a group from Skynet so that will be a very welcome distraction.
Random bits of news :
-2 weeks holidays approaching once I complete my last week and a bit of my general placement. Hopefully going to fit some more Dublin trips into those weeks.
- I count this year as the nicest birthday morning i’ve experienced in a long time. I woke up at 7am to a blanket of snow covering everything outside. It was still falling heavily aswell
- Some of the bad aspects of life have drastically improved.
- I’ve stayed away from chocolate since lent
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