06.09.09
Indolence
It’s an awful feeling. It honestly is. I have no idea how I let myself sit around when I know well I have plenty to do. It’s almost worse than sleeping all day. I have wasted whole weeks and will waste more unless I actually force myself to cop on. Here’s an idea of one of the worst of these days. Last Wednesday I got up at 9 am, fed all the animals and decided to sit down for a minute and watch some TV. Before I knew it it was 5 pm and I hadn’t moved at all. I was becoming a day time television freak. Again.
Dr. Phil, Oprah, Ellen, This Morning, Discovery Home and Leisure, The Bigest Loser, Friends, Gilmore Girls. All regularly scheduled programmes. And I’ve spared you quite a long list, that’s only the tip of it. On daily, same time every day. One day it added up to 15 hours in total…. uh …. I think the only possible reason I managed to not realise how long this tv marathon went on is that my brain was truly on a holiday. While I hate writing/reading this myself, it’s good in that it reminds me of how awfully boring and useless a life of TV is.
So, what possibly posseses me to sit around and waste this time? I think the feeling of indolence sometimes seems greater than that of wanting to be productive. Or at least it does some days. Watching too much television is associated with higher rates of depression apparently. I absolutely agree. If you do what i’ve described for more than a day or two you’ll find yourself lose interest in everything but what you’re watching. I found this out a few summers ago. I ended up sitting around in pyjamas, eating more, sleeping more and avoiding leaving the house or moving. I’m definitely not in that frame of mind at the moment. I’ve wasted 3 days of last week. They’ll be the last.
I’m sitting here now, after spending an hour cleaning a room from top to bottom. I went for a swim with T this morning and we went and got breakfast afterwards, i’m thanking the coffee I had for this little boost of energy. Coffee is definitely my motivator. When it comes to study, work and plenty other stuff it’s a huge help. Helps me focus. Not the healthiest of motivators I must say, especially when it’s drank in large quantities. But I love getting the work done, and done properly. So starting something and failing to finish it really irritates me. I’m blaming my lack of lists this week for lack of work. There is no excuses for it, it’s just a bad mind frame to be in. I occasionally need to remind myself that i’ll be much happier short and long term if I avoid getting absorbed by the void of laziness.
Later i’m heading out to Kilaloe with a friend to cycle some fireroads in the forest. If I used the time I spent watching TV on my fitness i’d probably be ready for a marathon at this stage. Why on earth am I not doing that? I think before this cycle I’ll sign up for a gym membership. And afterwards i’m making up my new list and sticking it up on my wall. I’ve seen a few pictures of peoples ‘Goal Posters’. You make up a big page of pictures and reminders of what you want to achieve. Each time you see it it reminds you of what you’re working towards. Might be good for me. A daily reminder of why I should use my time wisely. Mom has already gotten me a big poster to put the stuff onto. It’s the little things that sometimes have a big effect.